12/22/2008

The 5 Best Christmas Horror Movies Ever

Before I start this list, let me begin by saying that Nightmare Before Christmas is not on this list. I mention this because I have seen a couple of horror websites have that film listed it as part of their Holiday list of films. While, I love that movie and it does show a definite love for all things goth and horror, I do not believe it to be a horror film. If I had a included it, it would have ranked in at number three.

OK, on to the list. I love horror films and Christmas, and so I REALLY love horror films that deal with Christmas. Why enjoy some sweet, nice movie with a bunch of bullshit happy feelings, when you can see a film filled with killer monsters, gore, murder, psychos, hot chicks, alcohol abuse, nudity, etc. Really! Makes no sense to me! Anyways, I hope this list helps you with some real quality holiday viewing!

5. - I am probably gonna get a lot of heat for listing this film, but so what? Yes, it is no where near the masterpiece the original was, but taking it as it's own film and judging it as simply a slasher film, this movie works. The plot is basically the same, a group of sorority babes are terrorized by a killer. But, there are many changes through out the film, enough so to stand on it's own and separate it from the original. Sure it ain't the smartest movie ever made, but films in this sub-genre rarely are. The back story given to Billy is both sleazy and silly. But, for the sake of this movie it does work. It moves at a nice pace, features a truly impressive cast of beautiful girls (including Final Destination 3's lovely Crystal Lowe who gets nude) and, in the unrated cut, some really nice bits of gore. I also liked the fact that the movie is set-up in a way where one does not know who the "final girl" will be; thus making for a who the fuck will die and who will survive bit of terror. In all. it is good, brain dead fun.

4. - A recent addition to the Christmas horror film, this suspenseful and well acted horror-thriller is a welcome, albeit over looked and underrated film. Still, I have seen more and more good reviews to this one pop-up, so hopefully it is catching on. A rather simple plot, really, a beautiful girl (Rachel Nichols) is the last to leave the NYC office building she works at. She finds herself locked inside of it and terrorized by the psychotic parking lot attendant (Wes Bentley) who has a sick obsession with her. Well plotted and directed the movie has some pretty intense moments and some very shocking bits of graphic gore. The chemistry between the the two leads is great and the lovely Ms. Nichols has, what maybe, the most amazing cleavage in horror film history.

3. - The most controversial and infamous of the list (although a couple of these movies have had their fair share of controversy) this nasty little slasher film had closed minded housewives protesting the movie upon it's release. It only helped in getting the film more attention and thus giving it a cult following way after it's initial release. Kid sees a crook dressed as Santa kill daddy and mommy (whom he makes sure to rip open her blouse and get topless before slitting her throat) and believes Santa punishes the naughty. When, he grows up he whacks bad kids while wearing a Santa outfit. The movie does a good job at using Christmas style decorations as creepy props and has a rather mean-spirited and "that's so wrong" feel to it. The acting is good enough and the plot is fairly well done for this type of film. It also features a nude Linnea Quigley, whose death on antlers is one of her career best, and some other rather unforgettable moments.

2. - One of the things that make this movie so great is that was made before horror hits like Halloween, When a Stranger Calls, or Friday the 13th. The simple story of a group of sorority sisters being terrorized by an unknown killer works because of many factors. First off the acting of the all involved is great, and unlike so many slasher films, it makes us care for the characters. Margot Kidder's classic role of the drunken hottie inspires many a memorable moment. The film is also very suspenseful and has some thoroughly creepy moments. And, while there are some violent deaths, like Halloween or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it is very restrained in it's blood spillage. The final shot ranks as one of horror's creepiest moments, ever.

1. - Kid gets a cute and cuddly creature for Christmas. But, he has to follow the rules in order to take care of him. Of course, they are broken and all hell breaks loose when killer, little monsters are unleashed on the town. At the time it came out it caused lots of controversy thanks to it's graphic violence (for a PG rated film!) and, along with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, it helped give birth to the PG-13 rating. But, as is typical with the horror genre, it also inspired a shitload of little monster movies that ranged form good (Critters) to terrible (Hobgoblins, The Ghoulies movies, etc. But, this movie worked because with Joe (The Howling) Dante in the director's chair the movie manages to be funny, scary, cute, touching, highly enjoyable, and violent (see the various gory deaths of the evil little gremlins). Plus, the cast is great and the characters wonderful. And, how can you not have a crush on Phoebe Cates? This film holds such a special place in my heart, as it was perhaps the first horror film, I was totally obsessed with. That and to this very day, I wish I had a pet Gizmo! He is so damn cute!

Anyway, I wish all my readers HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

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Now playing: Spinal Tap - Christmas With the Devil
via FoxyTunes


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