The 15 Best Horror Movies to Watch on Valentine's Day (That Don't Take Place on V-Day)

Valentine's Day, love it, hate it, or feel apathetic towards (I fall under the middle category), it's here today. It's also a long weekend, so I am guessing that many will be taking the chance to celebrate more. Well what if you want to share a horror movie with that special someone, but you don't know what to pop in? Or, what if you are lonely and you need some quality horror to make you feel better?  Well, whichever of the two the case maybe, this list is for you! Here you will find horror movies that are holiday appropriate and are sexy, erotic, wild, romantic, sweet, grotesque, or some combination there in. So dig right in!

NOTE: I am not including My Bloody Valentine (either one) or Valentine (2001), as they are too fucking obvious a choice. Besides, I figure for many those are already traditional watches, anyways.

15. Nekromantik 2 (1991)- Let's start with the most fucked up choice, cause why the hell not? A superior sequel, to me anyways, this one tells the touching and romantic tale of Monika (played by the impossibly beautiful Monika M.) who digs up the dead body of the dude from the first film. Afterwards, she tries to date and actually likes a nice guy, but finds herself more turned by dead and rotting corpses. It's kind of like a chick flick but with full frontal nudity, extreme gore, and necrophilia! This one will appeal to those into graphic and revolting gore and those into arthouse films, well so long as you are OK with the mixing of the two.

14. Under the Skin (2013)- This sexy and smart sci-fi/ horror/ arthouse movie is the thinking man's Species. Scarlett Johansson is a gorgeous alien which seduces men and leads them to their death. Beautifully shot and dream like, with the added bonus of rampant nudity from Scar Jo, this gorgeous and odd genre flick is definitely an arty and sexy pick.

13. The Neon Demon (2016)- And, here is one more for impressing that arthouse lovely from film class! Grotesque (but not on the extreme side like Nekromantik 2) and sexy, this allegory of the modeling world is one of the most beautiful horror movies of the 2010's! It isn't for everyone, but horror fans with an open mind and appreciation for gorgeous and hot horror, will find much to love.

12. Fascination (1979)- Jean Rollin is the undisputed master of the lesbian vampire film and this movie might be his sexiest (though not his best, that would be The Living Dead Girl). Beautiful women and a dream like feel mixes with eroticism, including both hetro and lesbian sex, vampirism, and bloodletting. Former French porn star, Brigitte Lahie, is a true vision of exquisite beauty and pure sexiness.

11. Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals (1977)- Sleaze master Joe D'Amato combines the softcore thriller with the cannibal horror movie in this sexy and very gory flick. It is one of the best of the Emanuelle series with some genuinely erotic moments, including lesbian sex involving the exotically beautiful Laura Gemser and a hot blonde. Probably the only Italian gut muncher to also be hot, it has the added bonus of no fucking cruelty to animals in it. In all, it makes for a great, fun, and erotic choice to watch.

10. The Vampire Lovers (1970)- If you wanna add some class and classic feel then, let's go with Hammer's The Vampire Lovers. The gorgeous and voluptuous Ingrid Pitt loves the ladies in this lush, sexy, early entry in the lesbian vampire film. While, tame by today's standards (it certainly raised eyebrows, among other things back then), it is still one of the finest lesbian vamp flicks ever, helped by the stunningly beautiful women in it. And, the presence of Peter Cushing and that Hammer style, give it an extra air of class.

9. Life After Beth (2014)- But, hey you need to add a chick flick in here, so why not throw in this great flick, which only misses the mark of greatness at the end. The movie is oddly sweet and romantic on top of being funny and throwing in some bloody gore for good measure. The beautiful Aubrey Plaza is wonderful and sympathetic in the title role, and remains a babe even as a zombie.

8. The Love Witch (2016)- This tale of a beautiful witch (the exquisite Samantha Robinson) looking for love and using love potions is truly enchanting. The film, itself, is sexy, beautiful, romantic, funny, entertaining, and strongly feminist. Robinson is a sight to behold and absolutely incredible in this wonderful date night pick.

7. Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)- This one is by and far the best sequel in the franchise. OK, considering that the entries after the first one, are hot garbage, that isn't saying much. But, honestly it is one of the 90's finest horror movies. A great mix of the sexy and very graphic gore, there is also a genuinely romantic heart to it. The impossibly beautiful Melinda Clarke as the zombie lead is excellent in her role. And, her sexy pierced alt-metal babe look makes this one a great choice for watching with that cute metal or goth girl of your dreams.

6. Emanuelle and Francoise (1975)- Made before D'Amato began shooting Emanuelle films with Gemser, he made this one. And, honestly, it might be his best of those films. It is most certainly his darkest entry in the "franchise". Graphic, sleazy, and unabashedly erotic, it is one of sexiest horror movies of this era. Lesbianism, cannibalism, meat cleaver mayhem, and rape revenge all mix in, and give us another pick for those looking for something on the more extreme side of sexy horror.

5. Crimson Peak (2015)- This mix of the Gothic romance film and ghost/ haunted house movie is one of the most beautiful horror movies around. It is also terribly underrated. A lush and stunning film, this Guillermo Del Toro flick is also one of the last decade's greatest horror movies. With it's beautiful cast of Mia Wasikowska and Jessica Chastain, as well as Loki, him-fucking-self, Tom Hiddleston, this is a great couple's choice for horror.

4. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)- Speaking of lush and beautiful, this near perfect Dracula movie is probably the most sexy take on the Count. Francis Ford Coppola directs a visually stunning movie with a bunch of beautiful people and some truly hot moments including Keanu Reeves meeting the HOT brides of Dracula and Mina (Winona Ryder) getting visited by mist Dracula, to make one of the 90's most beloved bloodsucker movies.

3. Cat People (1982)- Few movies define the "gets better with age" thing than this gorgeous and undeniably erotic remake. Nudity and kink add to a movie that is both romantic and hot as fucking hell. Much of that is thanks to the perfectly beautiful Natassja Kinksi. Kinski is one of the most gorgeous women to have ever graced our beloved genre. And, I am sure that many would say that the David Bowie song, Putting Out Fire, is sexy all on its own.

2. Lifeforce (1985)- This wild cult classic, sci-fi/ horror flick from Tobe Hooper is his third finest hour (after The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Poltergeist, of course). It is also, argue ably, the sexiest horror movie of the 80s. Matilda May is an absolute goddess, and her full frontal nudity is alone hot enough to melt steel.

1. Vampyres (1974)- Jose Larraz' masterpiece remains, all these years later, the undisputed king of lesbian vampire movies. Sexy, hot, and gory, this is erotic horror at its very best. The double hotness wham of Marianne Morris and Anulka as they erotically share their victim's blood will get your blood simmering. This is how you make this type of movie, and this is the only one that could top this list!






So, are any of you planning to watch any of these tonight, with that special someone or by yourself? Let me know in the comments section below.

And, I would like to wish all of my female readers, a very happy Valentine's Day!

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THE DEVIL'S HONEY (Review)

Title: The Devil's Honey (AKA, Il Miele del Diavolo, Dangerous Obsession)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Writers:  Jaime Jesús Balcázar, Lucio Fulci, Ludovica Marineo
Cast: Brett Halsey, Corinne Cléry, Blanca Marsillach, Stefano Madia, Paula Molino, Bernard Seray
Min: 78
Year: 1986

Johnny (Stefano Madia) is a saxophone player on his way up. He has an obsessively kinky relationship with his gorgeous girlfriend Jessica (Blanca Marsillach). Early on the film we see him using his sax as a sexual stimulant, when he put up to her snatch while playing it. Very innovative, if I do say so myself! During one romp he fingers her on his motorcycle while he is driving. Unfortunately, they end up crashing, and he hits his head on a rock. He swears he is fine, though, even though that clearly hurt like a fucking bitch.

While, this is happening we meet Dr. Wendell Simpson (Brett Halsey) who is cheating on his classy wife, Carol (Corinne Cléry). She catches him having had sex with a hot hooker. She eventually confronts him, and they have an argument. She lets him know that she wants a divorce.

Johnny, in the meantime, passes out from the injury caused by the accident and is rushed to a hospital. The doctor that is set to operate on him is, low and behold, Dr. Simpson(!), who is distraught from his wife dumping his cheating ass. He fails to make any decisions during Johnny's emergency surgery, resulting in his death. Jessica rightfully blames the not so good doc, for her man croaking. She kidnaps the doctor and keeps him chained up. Between sexual gratification and humiliation and bodily violence on him, she sets out to have her revenge. Even though Johnny himself was far, far from the ideal boyfriend...

The Devil's Honey is a rarely seen movie directed and co-written by horror and gore master Lucio Fulci. Although, it is very far from his usual movies filled with splatter and zombies, his entry into the erotic thriller ranks among his finer works. It may lack the graphic violence that he is known for, but it is righteously raunchy in its own matter. Long unavailable in the US, especially uncut, The Devil's Honey was bought to us stateside, thanks to the fine folks at Severin Films in a solid Blu-ray release this year.

Unlike many supposedly erotic movies, especially those made state-side, this one delivers the bonerific goods. Aside from aforementioned sax and motorcycle fun, there is a hooker who paints her see-through stalkings with nail polish, right on her bush, as well as rampant nudity, including lots of glorious bush, bondage and domination with a heavy emphasis on sexual humiliation, and of course, lots of softcore sex. Of course, the women are all breathtakingly beautiful, as they tend to be in Italian genre cinema.

Not the typical Fulci movie, by any stretch of the phrase, but he goes for it with with full sleaze force. As, I said, the film is unquestionably sexy. I can say as this as a jaded viewer where it takes a lot for me too actually be turned on. Some stuff even managed to shock, especially in reference to the flashbacks to Johnny and Jessica's relationship.

The acting ranges from good to decent, and honestly any time it may not be up to snuff ,it's probably more of a result of the dubbing. Be sure to keep a look out for Fulci, himself, in a cameo, as a dude who sells our main couple some charmed bracelets.

The movie's pacing falters a little in the film's second act, only come back full force with the kinky torture filled third. A good ending that will leave you deciding what actually happens next, seals the deal on this torrid, naughty little movie.

The Devil's Honey is a sexy, raunchy, and, at times, shocking erotic thriller. As anything from the master Lucio Fulci, it pushes boundaries and is best not seen by prudes. The film remains a captivating and erotic feast, throughout, even if the middle part slows down a bit. With pretty good acting and strong directing from Fulci, it is impossible to not recommend this one, especially with the Severin Blu-ray, finally letting us see it, uncut, no less! Sleaze and Fulci lovers (some of which are probably one and the same!), take heed and see it now!

3.5 out of 4

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The 20 Hottest Lesbian Hook-Ups Pt. 1, 20-11

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Personally, speaking I have always hated that holiday. It's just a Hallmark holiday and an awful one at that. But, in honor of the day, I thought I would post something that we can all enjoy and, yet, find some romance in: the 20 hottest lesbian hook-ups/ kisses in film! I have long been a fan of girls who love girls.  If you are a long time reader or fan of mine or know me in real life and are a close friend, you probably already knew that. Personally speaking, I think it is far hotter and more interesting to see women together than chicks with guys. This is true to me even in real life. Anyways, this is the definitive list, for me. It was hard (pun intended) work, but in the end, fun. I have tried to include video whenever I can, but if I couldn't then at least there is a hot pic to go with it. Enjoy!

20. Heather Graham and Jessica Stroup: Broken- OK, I have never seen this movie, but I found this scene researching this write-up. The set-up is hot, Stroup's character is drunk, she talks about maybe breaking up with her boyfriend (I approve of her dumping her man to be with Graham, by the way), and the reluctance feeling on Graham's part are all part of a smoldering build-up. It all leads to one hell of a sexy kiss!

19. Sung Hi Lee and Amanda Swiston: The Girl Next Door- In this movie, one of my favorite comedies of all time, by the way, about a young guy who falls in love with a porn star played by Elisha Cuthbert (who sadly doesn't go lesbo), he and his friends ride a limo with porn stars played by Lee (who has gotten nude for Playboy) and Swiston. It's always awesome to see Asian girls who love girls, cause it combines two of my favorite things in life! Anyway, this one starts off with a peck, then gets more passionate. Too bad, it doesn't last longer, though.

18. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis: Black Swan- In this psychological horror/ thriller (one of the very best of it's kind, I think) Portman (a long time favorite of mine) and Kunis hook-up in Portman's room. It then gets really weird and nightmarish, but before it looks like something out of a Cronenberg movie, you get something out of a softcore porno. So, your dick will be happy at first, then you will get scared. Oh, well. You take the good with the bad, I guess. Oh, and I know this scene isn't even in English, but if you wanna see the movie go rent or buy it (and, I totally suggest you do). But, for the purpose of this list, this video more than serves it.

17. Heather Graham and Bridget Moynahan- Grey Matters- Much like #18, this one is from a film I have never seen and involves a drunk girl and Graham. Noticing a trend here? I do hope Graham makes out with all her hot female friends when they are drunk, or when they ain't, in real life. Anyway, it starts off with lots of peck kissing, then it gets all passionate with heavier kissing and lots of touching. It's smoldering stuff and should get you feeling good in your pants.

16. Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz: Christina Barcelona-  This one is interesting in that I am not really a fan of Cruz, but I do like Scar Jo and any halfway decent looking woman hooking up with her is gonna be hot. Now, I never seen this flick either, but in the scene they are in a darkroom, and it just sort of happens. I could have done without the guy, though. Anyway, as a note to all attractive women: this is what you are suppose to do if you are in a room such as this one with another good looking chick.

15. Sara Foster and Jordana Brewster: D.E.B.S.- D.E.B.S is one of my favorite comedies of all time, and this is coming from someone who really doesn't like comedies. Of course, the fact that it posses as a spy film parody, but is in fact is a metaphor for coming out and involves two BEAUTIFUL women fall in love has a lot to do with that (it's also really funny). I always wish there were more movies about beautiful women falling in love, instead of the lesbian thing just being a mere plot point till she meets a guy (Kissing Jessica Stein I'm looking at you). Anyways, there lots of scenes of them kissing in this one, so just take your pick! The video below is from their love scene, which although is only PG13 is still really hot.

14. Paz de la Huerta and Katrina Bowden: Nurse 3D- The most recent of all the films on this list, the sexy as hell Huerta hooks up with the beautiful Bowden (a guy is involved, but I will pretend I don't remember him for the sake of this list). All of this happens in glorious 3D (well expect for the stills Huerta takes but whatever)! Sadly, since this movie is new I found no video to post. So just make due with these pics, OK?

 

 

13. Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried: Jennifer's Body-Two of my personal favorite babes make-out in this scene, from a pretty entertaining, albeit flawed horror flick. Megan has become a flesh-hungry demoness thanks to be sacrificed to Satan. And, in this sceen she ends up playing tonsil-hokey with her bestie. If this what Satanic rituals lead to, please go ahead and worship the Devil!

12. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair: Cruel Intentions- I saw this one in the movies, being, at the time, a fan of SMG (cause of Buffy, of course), and I liked this movie. But, the most endearing and lasting part of the movie is this one where bitchy Gellar makes-out with the virginal character of the lovely Ms. Blair. The kiss is really hot and wet, and Gellar's teachings and dailouge are sexy as fuck! I LOVE the spit webs! I flipped out at this scene in the movies. I think I even clapped. I LOVE that Blair loved it and wanted more. If I had made the movie, I would have made Blair go lesbo from here on in, but alas, this is not made by me. Regardless, this scene is classic!

12. Angelina Jolie and Elizabeth Mitchell: Gia- Man, I remember watching this biopic when it first premiered (I was already a fan of Ms. Jolie), and I was blown away by how hot it was! But, also romantic, sad, and tragic. I loved the relationship between these two beauties, and the hot lesbian sex. If you love Jolie, and you never seen this, I wonder what is wrong with you! As the sex is pretty hot and fairly graphic.

 To be continued...

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Nurse 3D (2014) Review

My latest review for best-horror-movies.com is the erotic, horror thriller Nurse 3D starring the sexy Paz de la Huerta. Here is my review: http://www.best-horror-movies.com/review?name=nurse-3d-2014-review

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3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy

Title: 3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy
Director: Christopher Suen
Writers: Stephen Shiu, Stephen Shiu, Jr., & Mark Wu
Cast: Hiro Hayama, Saori Hara, Lan Yan, Yonni Lui
Min: 129 min

Wei Yangsheng (Hiro Hayama) falls for the stunning Tie Yuxiang. He wins her hand in marriage, but the sex they have is poor as he cums too fast. He tries to find more sexual gratification, but ends up losing her. He is determined to find the ultimate sexual pleasure, one that he can use on her. But, soon he finds himself in a shitload of trouble from the film's main villain.

3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy was a huge hit in it's homeland of China, where it out-grossed Avatar. I have never seen and really have no desire to see that Cameron movie. But, this one I been wanting to see since I first heard about it. I attended a screening, in 3D, last night and greatly enjoyed it.

Despite being over 2 hours long, you never feel it. Honestly, I was shocked to find out how long it was. The movie is such an honest-to-god good time that it feels much, much shorter. The plot is much more involved than you may think this type of movie would have. I tried to keep the plot details to minimum cause I think it's best not know much about it before going in.

It has quite a bit of action, but it's also really funny. And, it seems to not take itself to seriously. That said, there are moments of rape, torture, and violence, that give the movie the type of edge that only Asian cinema could have. There are amputations, decapitation, castration, and bloody squibs to keep the plasma flowing.

The CGI is OK, but it honestly fits the feel of the movie. While, the 3D isn't as good as as say Final Destination 5 it does add tremendously to the fun of it. Seeing a close-up of jiggling boobs in 3D is quite the happy experience!

Which brings me to the big question: is it sexy? Well, hells yeah, it is! There is a plethora of absolutely beautiful Asian women. All of them get naked at some part in the film. No Asian-genre porno that I have ever seen has this amount of spectacular boobs, all natural, by the way. I'm sure there is some record for that this movie set. Throw in lots of sex and some lesbianism and your dick will be quite happy.

The production value on the movie is beautiful with some gorgeous costumes and stunning sets. The acting ranges from adequate to good. And, the direction and editing is right on key.

Along the way I learned many important things like a chick with a dick (actually played a beautiful, real woman whose voice is hilariously overdubbed by a dude) can have a snake (literally!) like schlong, acupuncture needles can help you have hours upon hours of sex before coming (the girl involved in said scene, at your right, is my fav babe in the movie), and those with small dicks can get a dick transplant!

In the end, it all amounts to one of the year's most rightesouly fun and crazy movies. While, this movie would never be made by the US (a remake of this would be a true epic fail!), it is unquestionably THE best 3D release of the year. See it!

***1/2 out of ****

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