Dark Glasses (Review)

Director: Dario Argento
Writers: Dario Argento, Franco Ferrini
Cast: Ilenia Pastorelli, Asia Argento, Andrea Zhang, Andrea Gherpelli, Mario Pirrello
Year: 2022
Min: 86

A vicious serial killer has been killing call girls and prostitutes, including a brutal slaying early in the film. Diana (llenia Pastorelli) is a call girl, who manages to escape said killer. But, in doing so is involved in a car crash with an Asian family of three. From them, the father ends up dead, the mom in critical condition and a coma, and the little boy, Chin (Xinyu Zhang) gets sent to a orphanage. Diana goes to visit him and gives the kid what looks like a Nintendo Switch. He, then, runs away from the orphanage and asks Diana to let him stay with her. She accepts, but the killer has turned his attention to her. He wants to finish what he started and kill her.

Dark Glasses (Occhiali Neri) is Dario Argento (here directing and co-writing along with Franco Ferrini) first movie since his wretched Dracula 3D. Admit ably Argento's film output has been hit or miss post-Opera, with the vast majority being huge misses. Which is a shame because Argento is one of the genre's true masters, and, at the end of day, my favorite director. While, it never reaches the greatness of say Suspiria (1977) or Opera (1987), it is his finest flick since The Stendhal Syndrome (1996). In short, I am happy to proclaim that Dark Glasses is, for the most part, a return to form for the master. 

The film's opening kill is a spectacular way to setup the movie's killer, and is the most Argento feeling scene he has made in years. It's a brutal garroting that is gorily realistic. Frequent Argento collaborator Sergio (Demons 1&2, The Church, Opera) Stivaletti provides the excellent gore effects, which also include throat ripping and stabbings. On top of the bloodletting there is also a bit of topless nudity from our lovely lead star.

Argento manages to add some legitimate suspense to the film, keeping it very involving. His direction, coupled with the excellent editing and driving score, makes the car chase scene exciting and leads to a violent crash. Even the cheesy snake attack in the water comes off as fun, rather than being groan inducing like say the giant praying mantis in the aforementioned Dracula 3D. In fact, this scene actually feels like the type of wild fun one wants in an Italian horror flick. The movie leads into a tense and great climax that had me cheering. 

Argento also keeps the flick looking good throughout. Now, I must say that there isn't as much stylistic flourishes as his older work. But, we still get some really beautiful wide shots and bird's eye views. The flashbacks and dream sequences use the color red, actually recalling his work on Suspiria. One aspect that has long been missing from Argento's recent work is a great score. Thankfully, this movie corrects that. The soundtrack handled by Arnaud Rebotini and is driving as well as being really catchy.

But, what is most surprising is the amount of heart that this movie has. I really love the relationship between Diana and Chin. Of course, it helps that both of them are great in their roles. Chin is that rare kid in genre movies that is very likable, as little Andrea Zhang does some great work here in his role. Ilenia Pastorelli is especially good in the lead role of Diana. She is obviously sexy and gorgeous but is also a strong, independent character with a good soul. Coupled with Pastorelli's acting talent, it really gives us one of my favorite female lead roles of 2022. Meanwhile, the always welcomed and stunning Asia Argento has a very likable role as Rita, an instructor for the blind.

Some might not appreciate the more syrupy feel, but I think it makes the suspense payoff better. Plus, we get a great doggy heroine in Nerea, Diana's brave and beautiful seeing-eye dog. She ranks right alongside of Sarii from the awesome Predator prequel Prey, making this year a great year for horror hero puppers. Honestly, if I had seen this earlier, she would easily have made my recent list of The 10 Greatest Good Doggies in Horror Movies. And, who doesn't love a great movie dog? I wouldn't wanna meet the person who doesn't anyway.

Dark Glasses is an involving and entertaining return for Argento. Thanks in large part to the acting of Pastorelli and Zhang as Diana and Chin, respectively. Their sweet relationship of surrogate mother and child adds a loving feeling and soul, that helps to make the film more riveting. Rebotini's awesome and driving score is another pleasing factor, especially as an Argento fan. The good looking flick has a couple of good, stylistic moments, as well being very suspenseful and having a climax that me cheer from my seat. This solidly made film actually makes me once again care for a new Argento project. You can experience this joy when the movie premieres in New York City and Los Angeles on October 7, 2022, then starts streaming exclusively on Shudder on the 13th of this same month. 

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THE CAT o'NINE TAILS (Review)

Title: The Cat o'Nine Tails
Director: Dario Argento
Writers: Dario Argento, Bryan Edgar Wallace (uncredited)
Cast:  James Franciscus, Karl Malden, Catherine Spaak, Pier Paolo Capponi, Horst Frank
Year: 1971
Min: 112

Franco Arno (Karl Malden), a blind man, is walking with his little niece Lori (Cinzia de Carolis), when he overhears talk about blackmail emanating from a parked car. Later that night, one of the people in the car breaks into a large medical complex named the Terzi Institute. The following day the cops and a reporter Carlo Giordani (James Franciscus) investigate the break-in. As, Franco and Carlo run into each other, Carlo introduces himself.

In the meantime, Dr. Calabresi (Carlo Alighiero) tells his fiance, Bianca (Rada Rassimov) that he knows who the person who broke in is. At a train station, he gets pushed in front of a train getting killed. Franco, who used to be a reporter before his blindness occurred, works with Carlo to uncover the truth. Carlo, meanwhile, begins to get close to the daughter of Terzi (who runs the institute), Anna (Catherine Spaak). She talks with him about her father's work on research that reveals that killers have a chromosome difference that is XYY, the extra Y indicating murderous tendencies. While, this is all going on anybody, who gets close to finding who the murder is or somehow gets in the killer's way, gets killed violently. And, as our heroes get closer they and, in the case of Franco also his niece, find themselves in grave danger.

The Cat o'Nine Tails is Dario Argento's second film, as well, as his second in his so called animal trilogy. Though, aside from being giallos' with animals in their titles they really don't have shit to do with each other. The cat in this title has to do with 9 leads that are connected to the murder yet, they can't unravel it. Whatever the case maybe it's a solid and entertaining mystery/ horror/ thriller.

While, his later movies have a much more over the top and wild style, his touches of style are still clear and present in Cat. There are some nice shot compositions and well done point of views. They help to make the movie that more visually compelling. The score done by the master, himself, Ennio Moriconne, enhances the suspense and feel of the movie.

The film moves at a pace that slowly builds. It's handled in good manner by all involved so that it keeps you intrigued and entertained. The scene in the cemetery is admit ably quite suspenseful. While, the shattering climax is not just the movie's highlight, but one of Argento's early career, as well.

It was a huge hit in Europe, but not here in the US. In this country, it was released in a rather butchered GP (AKA PG) version. This eliminated much of the film's violence and gore. While, not on the level of his later movies in terms of splatter content, they are, in their uncut form, quite vicious. Thank the horror gods, they can be seen uncut in the DVD and Blu-ray releases of it. The shocking train kill is probably the most memorable out of these. Somehow and thankfully, though, Spaak's topless scene did make it in the American cut. Proving that back in the day you get away with a lot with in PG-rated movies!

Speaking of Spaak, she gives the weakest performance in the movie. She is mostly very flat and lacks much of any emotion, instead just giving the camera lots of blank stares. That being said, she did have great hair before Farrah Fawcett ever did. The rest of the cast, though, is quite good. Especially James Franciscus and Karl Malden, who are both very likable in their roles. Malden has a very sweet chemistry with little Cinzia de Carolis, who gives a great performance, especially when you take into account her young age.

This movie is actually Argento's least favorite movie of his. But, personally speaking I think it is better than The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, if only cause the story is more compelling and memorable, even if it is somewhat nonsensical. But, fuck it, it's so entertaining that you shouldn't be giving much of a shit.

The Cat o'Nine Tails is a bit more typical than the later movies in Argento's career, but there is enough style and quality to hold your interest. The mostly good acting helps it, as does the quality Morricone soundtrack. The rousing and violent climax really gives the movie an extra kick in the ass. A solid giallo overall, I definitely recommend to anyone interested in Argento and movies of this sub-genre in general. Also, if you are looking for just a good mystery thriller with elements of horror, violence, and suspense, then look no further. It has been on DVD from Anchor Bay and later/ currently from Blue Underground. Fans, should really try and get the Blue Underground Blu-ray set of the Dario Argento collection, as it also comes with the superlative Deep Red and the bat-shit crazy Inferno.

3 out of 4

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DEMONS (1985) (Synapse Films Blu-ray Review)

Title: Demons
Director: Lamberto Bava 
Writer: Dario Argento, Lamberto Bava, Dardano Saccehti, Franco Ferrini
Cast: Urbano Barberini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny, Fiore Argento, Paola Cozzo, Fabiola Toledo  
Year: 1985
Min: 88

Blu-ray released by: Synapse Films 

Specs:  

Sound: English: DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 (Stereo)
English: DTS-HD Master Audio 2.0 (Mono)
Image: 

Resolution: 1080p
Aspect ratio: 1.66:1

Plot- On the Berlin subway Cheryl (the lovely Natasha Hovey, below on the left) gets off her stop and is followed by a mysterious, and admit ably creepy masked man (Michele Soavi, who would go to direct some excellent Italian horror of his own). He does so to hand her tickets to a free screening at the Metropol, a newly opened movie theater. She goes to the movie with her pretty friend Kathy (Paola Cozzo). At their seats they are joined by too super preppy guys, who are attracted to both girls and flirt with them. They all sit down to watch the movie with the rest of the movie theater's audience, which include a bunch of different folk including a blind dude and his cheating wife and a pimp and two of his hookers. One of these said hookers, Rosemary (Geretta Geretta) earlier put on a demonic mask that was on display on a mannequin in the theater lobby. 

The movie soon starts, and it is an ultra-violent slasher flick. In this movie, a dude puts on a similar mask to one Rosemary cut herself with, earlier; and the movie character cuts himself, too. And, as he bleeds on camera, so does Rosemary in the theater. And, as he ends up becoming a demon in the movie, so does she. When the other hooker goes to check on her, she slashers her. Soon, others fall victim to this as they become demons themselves and turns others into demons, with the movie theater audience is trapped in the theater. There is no way out, and no way to stop the ever growing demon horde.

Review- Demons is an 80s Italian, headbanging, classic gorefest. A full throttle, non-stop assault on the senses, it's one of the most fast paced, unrelenting horror movies ever made. It's a cult classic, and a true heavy metal horror masterpiece. I first saw it when I was a kid and fell in love it from the first viewing I had renting it. It has everything I could ask for then and now: nonstop action, graphic gore, gorgeous European women, and, of course, kick ass metal music. A couple of years later, I would buy it on VHS and watch it ad nauseam, eventually getting the Anchor Bay DVD (one of my earliest DVD purchases due to my love of the movie).

Admit ably the movie isn't perfect. The acting ranges from OK to pretty bad. The plot is pretty straightforward and not the most complex. However, it is in its simplicity that the movie truly succeeds. Once it starts (which really doesn't take that long), it NEVER stops and is always exciting and fun. Bava keeps the momentum up and, somehow, it never tires you out. In fact, you are always involved and entertained, a true adrenaline rush, of which many actual action movies could only dream of being.

Being a righteously unrated gorefest, the bloodletting is awesome and truly graphic. Among the acts of mayhem are: eye gouging, throat ripping, hangings, slashings, stabbings, slicings, impaling, pulsating and oozing transformations, and lots more blood and slime spilled, sprayed, and splattered. This all handled excellently by Sergio Stivaletti who does some truly spectacular practical FX work. Aside from the amazing splatter, the demons, themselves, look awesome and frightening.

They add to appealing look of the movie. Bava makes a great use of colors, with reds and shadows playing a big part in adding some visual flair and style to the proceedings. But, with him and Dario Argento producing (as well as them both being involved in script, along with others), how can this movie not look great?

 

Speaking of looking great, holy crap, is there ever a bevy of beauties in this movie! Aside from Hovey and Cozzo as the two female friends, who we mainly follow through the course of the flick, there are quite a few stunners in small roles. Among them is the absolutely gorgeous Nicoletta Elmi as Ingrid the usherette (above). With her long legs and long, fiery, red, wavy hair she ranks among the most beautiful women in Italian genre cinema. There is some skin thrown in, as well. Memorably giving some very nice boobage is Bettina Ciampolini as punk/ rocker chick Nina (below). I recall the first I saw this as a kid, I got, as Beavis would say, a stiffee!

The heavy metal and rock music is fucking killer. Let's not kid here, the metal music is a big part as to why this gore loving headbanger loved this movie so much. Kick ass songs from Motley Crue, Accept, Saxon, Billy Idol and more drive this movie to the motherfucking stratosphere. That is conjunction with the thumping and driving musical score by Claudio Simonetti. In all, it is one of the finest horror soundtracks ever!

Picture- Holy fuck, does this Blu-ray look great!! This is a stunning transfer from a movie that is over two decades old. The colors are rich and vibrant, with deep blacks and constant and excellent flesh-tones. It ranks among the best looking 80s horror titles ever!

Sound- You can watch it either in the original mono or stereo. Both sound great, but unless you are a purist, stereo is the way to go. The action scenes and the thrilling and rocking soundtrack will have your system thumping and pumping along. This disc sounds as amazing as it looks and vice versa.

Extras- This is a budget version of Demons. There is a limited edition steelbook version of it, also from Synapse Films, packed with extras. It runs at a much higher price (of course). Anyways, this version only comes with the rather cool trailer. If you are OK with not spending a lot and forfeiting the extras, then go for this. There has a been a recent price drop, making it an even cheaper disc to own, hence (part of) the reason for me reviewing it, now.

Final Thoughts- One of the finest Italian horror flicks, and one of the best 80s horror movies from anywhere in the world, Demons is an essential splatterfest. Sure it is kind of empty headed, but it is so much fun and action packed that any normal fan won't give a flying fuck. Further fuel injected by graphic gore and kick ass heavy metal music this fucker just plain rocks! With a flawless looking picture and killer sound the disc's specs are simply phenomenal. If you are OK with not spending the dough on the limited edition steelbox, and thus not having the special features, then this is the absolute and inarguable way to go.

Movie: 4.5 out of 5
Picture: 5
Sound: 5
Extras: 1

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Dario Argento's Dracula 3D

 

Tile: Dracula 3D

Director: Dario Argento

Writer: Dario Argento and Enrique Cerezo

Cast: Thomas Kretschman, Marta Gastini, Asia Argento, Unaz Uglade, Miriam Giovanelli, Rutger Hauer

Johnathon Harker (Unaz Uglade) arrives at Transylvania and goes to visit his wife's best friend, the

gorgeous Lucy (Asia Argento). He then heads to Dracula's (Thomas Krestshman) castle to catalouge his huge library. After the voluptuous Tania (Miriam Giovanelli) and her amazing cleavage try to put the bite on him, Drac saves him. But, later the count attacks him. The count, it turns out, is waiting for Harker's wife, the pretty Mina (Mara Gastini) to come and see him. Lucy gets bitten by Drac and falls ill, but she sends the caring Mina to see the count regardless. There is under his trance and only Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer) can save her and kill all the vampires, including Dracula and the humans loyal to him, that terrorize the town.

Holy shit!!! This was truly awful! This movie looks and feels nothing like a Darío Argento movie. As a

matter of fact it lacks any of Argento's stylish qualities like his beautiful camera work or colors. It has none of that. It is just a fucking awful piece of festering shit. For the most part the movies is flatly directed and it's kind of boring actually. But some parts are unintentionally funny. Some of that can be attributed to the awful dialogue, the brain-dead script, or the terrible CGI.

Said horrible CGI includes a laughable, giant, praying mantis that Dracula transforms into. Yes, you read that right. Dracula transforms into a giant, praying mantis. What the fuck? I don't know what possessed any to think that this would be a good idea. I guess he was trying to do some new and different things with Dracula. Very few work though, I mean I like what happens to Harker and, uh, not much else...

Admittedly there is some decent gore here. They include vampire bitings, gunshot blasts, impaling, stabbing, etc. But, most, aside from a rather cool blue bullet goes up the chain out the top of his head, blows out some dude's fuckin brains scene, there wasn't any murders that really stuck out in my head. Certainly not in the manner that I expect an Argento movie to have.

Most of the acting is pretty awful. Including a horrible Jonathan Harker in the form of Unaz Uglade, that shows that perhaps Argento was trying to channel Keanu Reeves from Bram Stoker's Dracula. If that is the case he certainly went for the worst Harker performance ever as inspiration. I guess the actor it kind of looks like Reeves. It doesn't matter; he sucks even more. Kretschman is mostly forgettable as Dracula and seems to think that snarling and shit is scary. I've got news for you dude, it ain't. Marta Gastini is pretty and kind of looks like Wynonna Ryder. But, she really can't act her way out of a box. Miriam Giovanelli has an amazing chest. and thank God she shows them. Her acting is not so great, but she is hot and sexy.

But, perhaps the biggest pity here is Asia Argento who despite her great talents is given such an awful role as Lucy that it's a waste of her talents. But thank the Lord she shows off her tits to not once but twice and her ass, as well, all in glorious 3-D. Hauer, though, is fun and does chew up the scenery. But he battled vampires in this past season of True Blood, and that was MUCH better.

 

And speaking of the 3-D other that the shit sticks out in front of the camera there is really no reason for this movie to be 3-D other the fact that they get to the jack up the price for it. Thank God, I did not pay to see to  this shit. 

Dracula 3-D is a pretty wretched film that is quite simply one of Argento's worst movies ever. It's hard for me to say that because Argento was once I a great filmmaker that I looked up to. His films were the kind of movies that I wanted to make. But, no one would want to make anything this bad. And, while not the worst film to be released this year (that dear friends is Dead Before Dawn) it is most one worst. Skip unless you really seriously need to see Asia's boobs in 3-D.

*1/2 out of ****

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ASIA ARGENTO

The lovely offspring of the Italian master of horror Dario Argento and, his then girlfriend, Daria Nicolodi, Asia Argento is an actress, writer, director, and all around goddess. She was born on Sept. 20, 1975.

I have long found her to be one of the hottest babes from European Cinema (a world chockful of gorgeous babes). Though, she made her debut in Soavi's kick-ass gorefest The Church, it was not until her own father's Trauma, that I immediately fell in love with her. She also got nude in that film, which made it all the more interesting. Even if the film itself is a flawed work, it does have it's moments.

Her best acting job, up until this point, would occur in The Stendhal Syndrome. Said film is, by far, the best of Argento's post-Opera work. Still, like any film after Opera, it is not on the level of his earlier work. But, her acting is good. Although, it is disturbing to see her brutal rape scene, as let us not forget, it was directed by daddy dearest!

Their next collaboration Phantom of the Opera is one of the worst films he ever did, but it is not THAT bad, is it? Still, she does get nude, again! And, is not worth seeing just for that?

She is staring in The Mother of Tears,the conclusion to Argento's trilogy (the other two are Suspiria and Inferno). Reviews have been mixed, we shall see, how it all goes. Of course, she has been in other films including the mediocre Bond rip-off xXx and Romero's enjoyable Land of the Dead.

In Italy, the lovely Ms. Argento is a very respected actress having won the Italian equivalent of the Oscar. She is also a very talented director. Well, OK, I only saw one film of hers, the semi-autobiographical Scarlet Diva. She is said to have real sex in the film, expect with the guy who plays her asshole boyfriend. She has a RED-HOT scene with a beautiful, busty blonde played by Italian porn goddess, Selen. It's a good film, allbeit, a bit pretentious, at times. Still, the film is shocking and moving. The DVD is great, because her commentary and interview are so honest. By the way, she says that she kept her bush in the film for her Japanese fans. It appears that in Japan pubic hair is very taboo. Why? Who the fuck knows. But fans of bush (the good bush, not the shitty one in Washington) will be very pleased!

She is a MILF, having a nine year old daughter. Asia is stunningly beautiful with her very Italian good looks, gorgeous body, and amazingly hot tattoos.

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