The Girls of Machete

So, yesterday I decided to spend the "unofficial" end of summer seeing one of my most anticipated movies of the year, Robert Rodriguez's Machete! I have to say that it his best film since the classic From Dusk Till Dawn and, so far, my second favorite movie I seen this year. I loved the cast (Trejo really is my hero!!!), the action, the gore, the humor, and the message that this movie held. It's also filled with babes, and I will take a special look at them in this blog.

Let's begin with Lindsay Lohan. Personally speaking I cannot stand her. But, she does play herself in the movie, IE a druggie who parties with her mom. She gets topless (but recent rumors speak of a body double, if so LAME!) with her MILFy mom and jumps in the water with Trejo. She dons a nun-habit, as well, so for those of you into nunsplotation, there's that!

Next, up we got the beautiful Jessica Alba, probably the girl I am the biggest fan of in this movie. She has long been one of my fav babes, in fact, ever since the terribly stupid Idle Hands, but as I have said in the past she does not get nude. This movie shows the most of her you'll ever see, IE some side boob and side butt. She, of course, looks beautiful, and it's actually her best acting, ever.

Michelle Rodriguez also looks sexy in this movie. She don't get nude, though, but damn that outfit she wears!!! Anyways, I really like seeing her kick ass. Plus, she sells tacos in the movie. Who amongst you wouldn't buy Michelle's taco?

I was also very happy to see the twins, Elise and Electra Avellan, from Grindhouse play sexy nurses in this movie. They don't get nude, either, but hey their TWINS for Christ's sakes! I been a fan of them since said flick, and I always wish they would do more movies. I actually met at a Chiller a few years back. They were really friendly and totally caliente!

So, we got a blonde bimbo and a bunch of Latin babes but what about those of us into Asian girls? What do we get? Well fear not kiddies, as I was introduced to Singaporean beauty Cheryl Chin. She plays Steven Seagal's (who is awesome as one of the villains in the movie, by the way) henchwoman. She also does not get nude, but she is in a bikini and looks yummy. Plus, she's a bad girl. And, I kind of have a thing for bad girls. I think she needs a spanking! And, thank you Mr. Rodriguez for introducing us to this babe!

Anyways, if you ain't seen Machete yet, then what the fuck are you waiting for? Go out there and see this future classic now!!!

And, remember fans Machete don't text!

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The Top 20 Actresses Who Should Have Been Nude in Horror Movies, Pt.1: 20-11

We all love seeing beautiful actresses getting nude in movies. We horror fans know that our beloved genre many times does give us the skin we need. Sadly, for whatever reason, there are always babes that we look at in a film and are like, "Damn! Why did she not show the goods?" This is the list of the babes we all wanted to see naked the most.

20. Ashley Laurence in Hellraiser I, II, and Hallraiser: Hellseeker- One of the most beautiful heroines in the history of the genre, Ashley, in the role of Kristy Cotton, has encountered Pinhead and the Cenobites three times, and yet she never let us see her nude. Terrible! A travesty, I say!



19. Sienna Guillory in Resident Evil: Apocalypse- She played Jill Valentine, an actual character from the video games. And, she looked damn fucking good doing it. She is just as hot, if not, in fact, hotter than series lead, Milla Jovovich, who has been fully nude in the series. But, yet Ms. Guillory is not. She returns for this year's installment. Will she show us some skin? I would love if she did, but my guess is no.




18. Tracy Griffith in The First Power and Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland- Melanie's infinitely hotter half-sister has been in two horror flicks. And, yet she did not get nude in either or. In The First Power she, along with Lou Diamond Phillips, battled a Satan worshiper bestowed with the ability to possesses anybody by the Prince of Darkness, himself. You know with her bare and skin and Diamond's ass kicking abilities Satan would have not stood a chance! As, for the third Sleepaway Camp movie, I realize that slasher final babes do not bare skin. But, they should! And, she should have here!



17. Ona Grauer in House of the Dead- Yes, HOTD is pretty fucking stupid, but I do find that in it's stupidness it does have that it's so bad so good kind of charm. But, even if you hate it, you most admit that it has plenty of gore and babes. Some of them nude! But, one of the hottest ones, Ms. Grauer, ain't. We do get to see her run in slow motion and jiggle a lot. But, we want more! We demand more! She does, after all, have a great rack, that needs to be exposed! Shit, look. Even the film's villain wants to see them, in this pic. Clearly evil members of the living dead have great taste in women!



16. Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me- You know out of all the entries this one was one of the ones that pisses me off the most. Why? Well, cause this film is fucking godawful, that I can't believe that I somehow made it through it all! Ms. Lohan played a stripper in this one. Which you would think hey, she is gonna get nude. Nope. She don't. Which makes seeing this even more pointless. I am not fan of hers. In fact, I can't even stand her, but I, up and until this point, thought that she looked great. She don't looks as hot, now. So, I think I she totally lost the chance for us to see the goods she has in her prime. Epic fail on every fucking level.


15. Shawnee Smith in The Blob and the Saw Franchise- The Blob is the movie where I developed my Shawnee Smith crush. She is easily one of the hottest cheerleaders in the history of cinema. On top of being beautiful, she kicks some major fucking ass in it. Come on, she would have been a nude cheerleader! Her return to big screen terror was the Saw franchise. And, she still looked amazing! But, she didn't get nude in those either! Come on, Shawnee, you are breaking the hearts, of us, your fans!


14. Fairuza Balk in The Craft- OK, I totally enjoyed this movie and its' beautiful female cast. But, as hot as the other three girls were, Balk is my fav. That hot body and those gorgeous eyes! I freaking love goth girls, and, in this movie, she was one of the hottest, ever! And, while she cast a spell on me and many other dudes, had she taken off her clothes our heads might have exploded, Scanners style! Though, the other head would prob have made an explosion of its' own!

13. Rose McGowan in Scream- I fucking love this babe, in particular in this movie. She looked amazing in that tight sweater. Yet, she did not get naked. Worst part? She dies anyway. So, in following slasher tradition, she should have. But, wait this is the 90s, and this is the film that started a terrible trend in slasher flicks of chicks not getting nude. Fuck that! Truly makes you wanna kick Kevin Williamson in his nutsack.


12. Katie Featherston in Paranormal Activity- Paranormal Activity had little in the way of special FX. But, the best FX were the lovely Ms. Featherston's God-given boobies and big ass. Sadly, we never got to see them. This curvalious babe could have used her T&A to distract the evil demon haunting her. Distracted the Ghostbusters could have come in and trapped it! See, I just came up with an awesome idea for a cross-over film!



11. Chiaki Kuriyama in Hair Extensions- The Battle Royale and Kill Bill Vol. 1 babe is always yummy, but she looks her hottest in the J-horror flick, Hair Extensions. It's a good, original scare flick, with lots of hotties. Kuriyama looks absolutely breathtaking, in it. But, sadly she remains clothed. Why? No seriously, why?! Had she been nude surely that scene would have gone down in horror nudie history!!

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