Entertainment Earth


Samurai Girl

Last month when I made the ravishing Jami Chung the Hot Asian Girl of the Month, I promised that I would review this when it came out, and I like to keep my promises. So here it goes:

Heaven (Jamie Chung) is forced to marry some douchebag. But, low and behold, ninjas attack her wedding (damn don't you hate when that happens?)! In the melee, here dad is accidentally shot and wounded. And, her brother, whom their daddy hates, gets a knife stuck in him and croaks. But he manages to warn here, that she is to trust no one, and to look for some dude named Jack Stanton (Brendan Fehr). She gets help from a geeky white dude named Otto (Kyle Labine), who very understandably gets a major crush on her, and his cute blonde roommate, Cheryl (Saige Thompson). They help her find Jack; he trains her. As she is to be some badass samurai babe. And, guess what? They both like each other! Damn that is so original! In the meantime, she must find out what the fuck is happening, what her dad has too with it, and deal with the Yakuza and their ninjas! Wow! It's hard being a hot samurai girl!

Let me start by saying that this mini-series, that ends tonight. It is three parts long, each at two hours in length, is way to long for this crap. OK, actually this started out OK (but remember my expectations were as low as an earthworm crawling on your backyard), but by the second hour of the first part, I was already beginning to doubt the worthiness of this shit. Anywho, the second two hour part was pretty lame, with the last 20 min or so being pretty much crap.

It is all very predictable and unoriginal, looking like some sort of Kill Bill, minus the gore, with an insanely hot Asian girl, while trying to be a poor man's Veronica Mars (coincidentally both Chung and Thompson have been on that show). You can figure out everything that will happen in this shit, everything. Trust me.

There is a lot of action, and it is done decently enough. But here, is one of many issues. While, the movie is on ABC Family, it is actually pretty violent for a kid's show (including an off-camera, hinted at decapitation), it is not violent enough for action fans. There is a lot of lame young love type shit. That said, there is some tension in the scene where Heaven goes to get some computer info from dad, but there is little of this. The truth is our heroes always feel safe and never really threatened.

Beyond that the acting ranges from standard to wooden. Only Chung shines here. She is perfectly cast as Heaven, as well, at the risk of sounding corny, is heavenly! She is without a doubt THE reason I sat through it, and will finish it tonight. I am pretty sure I know how it will all end. Anyway, getting back to Chung she is a goddess. An amazing beauty that kicks some major ass . Too bad it was not in a better film.

Fellow wrestling fans should note that former WCW/ WWE star Stacy Keebler, is in this. She did not appear until last night's part two. She plays a chick from Jason's past. Hey, remember trust no one! If you can't figure out where this is headed then, maybe this film is written for you... By the way, I should mention that Kiebler is a terrible actress, and proves that unless she shaking her ass in the wrestling ring , I could give a flying fuck about her. That and Chung smokes her, completely. No competition, between them whatsoever, at least not in my book.

Needless to say, this not Kill Bill or Shogun Assassin and there are better movies with hot Asian girls kicking ass (any of a number of pinky violence films and stuff like So Close). But, if you like me, are a fan of Ms. Chung , or beautiful, Asian woman in general, you should see it. Well, just be sure that you have A LOT of patience and an open mind. Barely a ** out of ****