THE RANGER (Review)

Title: The Ranger
Director: Jenn Wexler
Writer: Giaco Furino, Jenn Wexler
Cast: Chloë Levine, Jeremy Holm, Granit Lahu, Jeremy Pope, Bubba Weiler, Amanda Grace Benitez
Min: 77
Year: 2018

We begin with a prologue involving a little girl and a decidedly kind of creepy Ranger (Jeremy Holm) talking at a table, before the cops knock on the door. From there we jump to the present, or what is at least the present time for the movie. At a punk club, we meet Chelsea (Chloë Levine) a pretty, pink haired punk girl hanging and doing drugs with her fellow punk friends. When, the cops attempt a drug bust at said club. everyone flees.

A cop ends up cornering Chelsea, and her not very nice, to say the least, boyfriend Garth (Granit Lahu) stabs and kills him. Soon, Chelsea, Garth, and three of their friends are on the lam. They head out to her Uncle Pete's (horror indie favorite Larry Fessenden) old house, where she was raised by him, out in the woods. Yup, they're stuck in the woods, cause, of course, they would be. Anywho, it doesn't take long for their punky attitude to catch the attention of the same Ranger we met at the start of the film.

He soon tells them the "rules" that they need to be following while being in this national park, that he protects. In his eyes, they are unwelcomed assholes, save for Chelsea, whom he feels a sort patriarchal attachment to, or something along those lines. The punks could give a flying fuck though. They break all the rules there are and soon get picked off one by one.

The Ranger is a throwback/ homage to 80's slasher movies. So much so, that it might take place in the 80's, themselves. While never specified as such, none of the characters have cell phones, and they bring a boom-box with them. The film is done with a decidedly and, honestly, very welcomed punk attitude and heart. This leads to a very entertaining flick, that could have, under lesser hands, easily come off as the same old tired shit.

One thing of note, is that, truthfully, Chelsea is the most wholly likable character in the movie. Especially as she is bought to life by Chloë Levine. Levine plays her as tough, resourceful, savvy, and with her head, mostly, on straight. Levine says a lot with just a look from her big, blue eyes. She is one of the very best final girls in recent memory and a complete and total badass!

A great final girl needs a great villain, and that is exactly what the Ranger is. I always prefer a killer with an actual personality, than some empty shell of a hulking killer. Jeremy Holm wonderfully brings him to life. The character has this really wicked sense of humor, especially as he dictates the "rules", delivers some great one-liners, and/ or dishes out punishment.

One almost wonders why Chelsea hangs out with her friends, as they can come off as kind of being dicks. But, what we gather is the sense of family between these lost kids, who are bought to life by solid acting from the rest of the cast. More importantly their behavior adds to the punk quality and heart of the film. They, and the movie, itself, has this very anti-authority behavior that plays out perfectly as it becomes punks vs. crazed Ranger dude.

And, speaking of punk, it would be impossible for me to not talk about the music used here. To put it simply, I fucking love the soundtrack! It is an awesome throwback to movies with kick ass tunes like The Return of the Living Dead. I have complained in the past about the seeming death of the compilation rock soundtrack, especially in horror films. Well, this fucker happily brings that back. It really helps to cement the attitude and spirit that helps to set it apart from of its current brethren.

The flick doesn't have a huge body count, but that's cool by me. As the violence featured is brutal and realistic looking. Among the gore featured are blood splattering head shots, amputation, bisection, bloody bludgeonings, and more. The very first bit of violence, which happens to who is easily the second most likable punk teen in the movie, is a great set-off to the film's horror content. This is soon followed by the first kill which is a true, "Holy shit!" moment.

First time director and co-writer Jenn Wexler does a great job at building more and more tension as the movie goes along. I really like the way the movie starts. The aforementioned prologue is set in a way that seems sweet only to very quickly delve with a very creepy undercurrent. From there it cuts to some awesome punk music and fonts for the title scene. This all serves as a great introduction to what we can expect. The climax is wholly engrossing, brutal, and pulse pounding. It had me cheering my ass off, something not easy to do. The flick wraps up with a super cool ending.

The Ranger is a pure punk, slasher delight. It kicks some serious ass and rocks hard. The punk attitude and brutal violence make for cool bedfellows. Wexler makes a strong directorial debut, and I will definitely be keeping an eye on her future endeavors. Featuring a great villain and awesome final girl, it clearly understands what it takes to be a great slasher, and not merely passable. As a matter of fact, the more I thought about the more I like it! The Ranger is a Shudder original and will begin airing on the streaming service this Thursday, May 9, 2019. Don't miss it!

3.5 out of 4

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Horror Crush: Jennifer Rubin

On this final day of Women in Horror Month, I wanna talk about one of my absolute biggest crushes growing up: the impossibly beautiful Jennifer Rubin!

Jennifer Collene Rubin was born in Phoenix, AZ on April 3, 1962. Her very first role was in A Nightmare on Elm Street pt 3: The Dream Warriors. It is easily her most famous and beloved one. She plays one of the last of the "Elm Street kids" which consist of a group of suicidal teens at an institution. She's Taryn White, a former junkie. When returning, from the first film, Nancy Thompson (Heather Langenkamp) tell them that each of them have a dream power, hers is that she is "beautiful and bad!" Dressed in tight leather, with her hair put like a mohawk, and carrying twin swtichblades, she most certainly is just that! Now, I saw Dream Warriors on video tape very young and have loved it ever since. It is easily the best of the Nightmare sequels and possibly the finest slasher sequel, ever. In fact it is one of the best horror sequels, period.

I have loved rocker girls all my life, and when I saw her in this movie, as a kid, I was in total love! Especially when she went punk. God, I think I spent a good fraction of my younger life looking for my own Taryn. I still maybe! I always hate the scene when she dies cause she was a great character (and beautiful, duh), but that's why this movie works (well one of many reason, actually) where other slashers movies fail. You actually care about the fucking characters! What a concept!

 

 

The next year she appeared in the underrated Bad Dreams. Her involvement makes it feel like more of A Nightmare rip-off, but it's a good flick. She is great in it, as a former hippie child. And, she looks absolute stunning. If I was in love before, this movie sealed the deal for me. You can read more about my thoughts on it in this link, though one thing has changed since I reviewed it first, I really prefer the original ending to the theatrical one, nowadays: http://www.gorezone.net/dvdcrypt/reviewstxt/abc/baddreams.html

 

In 1993, she starred in the silly thriller The Crush. This ain't a horror movie, but it was covered in Fango, under, well, the "Not a Horror Film" column! She plays the girlfriend of the dude that Alicia Silverstone obsesses over. She also gets attacked by bees. I saw this movie in the theaters, and thought it was lame. But, I was happy to see my former crush Rubin (who looked stunning, of course!), and my newest crush Silverstone in one movie! Even it if was a crappy one! Oddly, Silverstone would go on to star in far worse movies. Oh well...

She had a small role in the awesome action/ horror hybrid Full Eclipse (starring Mario Van Peebles, the beautiful Patsy Kensit, and another horror crush of mine: Paula Marshall). Then in 1995, she appeared in the crappy Jim Wynorski remake The Wasp Woman. She plays the title character. As always she look and is great, the FX are great, too! The movie, however, is NOT great, at all...

Also from that year is Screamers. This sci-fi/ horror/ "action" hybrid, I saw in the movies. Despite having Rubin looking beautiful and kicking ass, also having Robocop himself, Peter fucking Weller, killer robots, and an awesome and gory beginning, this one sucks. I was so annoyed in the theater watching this. Thank God, then for Rubin's impressive beauty, which helped ease my suffering. Actually, one great thing came of this turd. She was promoting it at a Fangoria Weekend of Horrors, and I met her! She signed for free (remember when people did that cons?), and looked GORGEOUS in person. I swear, I was in love, all over again!

She appeared in other horror movies, too, but I didn't see them. They are: Little Witches, Twists of Terror, and Sanctimony. Any of you ever seen of those? Any thoughts?

Aside from her horror movie appearances she was on genre TV shows, too. They were: The Twilight Zone, Tales from the Crypt, and The Outer Limits.

Jennifer Rubin is, to put it, quite simply, amazing. Beautiful and talented, she is one of my utmost personal favorite Horror Crushes. And, I know many of you feel the way about this stunning blue-eyed goddess.

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Two Kick Ass Beauties at AEE 2014: Raven Rockette and Veruca James

Produced by and executive assistant to Master Gio: El Tiburon

On Saturday, January 18, 2014, I had the pleasure of meeting two of the hottest and most beautiful girls in the industry today: Raven Rockette and Veruca James. As beautiful as they are onscreen, in person, they are even more incredibly, smoking hot! They also happen to be cool as hell.

Coincidentally, that morning I saw a pic of of the beautiful Ms. Rockette taking a hit from a bong on her Instagram, and I thought it made for a pretty cool selfie. I, said to myself and to my producer/ executive assistant El Tiburn, we gotta go up to her today! And, so we did just that. Raven was all smiles and commented that she liked my look. Flattery, especially coming from one as beautiful as her, is always greatly appreciated. She was telling us that she had a raspy voice from partying to hard the night before. But, I got to be honest, I thought it made her sound sexy, and, thus made her even hotter! And, I should say that as far as her performances go, she is fucking awesome!
BONUS: she has a really sexy bush, if I do say myself!

 

Hot chick throwing up the devil horns = sure way to my heart! :)

Veruca was the last girl, I went up to at the Expo. She was very friendly, talkative, and a complete and breathtaking stunner, in person! She is a natural at posing for the camera which made from some really sexy pics. With her photogenic beauty, killer smile, beautiful eyes, and friendly demur, she was really the perfect way, for me, to end the show.
And, by the way, If you have never seen Veruca in a porn you need to change that now!! She is fucking hot as hell!

Another way to my heart: hot chick, wearing a cool band shirt like one from the legendary Sex Pistols!

 

I hope you guys go out buy some stuff with both of these beauties, as I promise you will NOT be disappointed! Also, be sure to check them out on social media, as they post some awesome stuff. And, while this was taken on the last day, I still have more pics and words to post from AEE, so fear not! This ain't over yet, baby!

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