Through some combination of boredom, laziness (to pop in one of my own movies), and feeling totally uninspired led me to watch four hours(!!!), of SyFy flicks. Which amounts to two movies. Neither of them were actually good, but at least I could sit through them, which is more than I can say for the majority of crap films on that channel.
The first of the batch, Sharknado, had a following before it even premiered on the channel. It became popular enough to warrant an upcoming sequel! But, more on that later...
This utterly ridiculous movie tells the tale of a bar owner (Ian Ziering) who is worried about his
estranged wife (Tara Reid) and their kids cause of a nasty storm that hits Los Angeles. Said storm brings forth tornadoes filled with... yup sharks!!!
The movie is incredibly stupid, but at least it knows it is. It's played campy. But, then how else would play this shit? The dialogue is hilariously bad, and it is impossible to take anything seriously. Nor should you.
The acting ranges from OK to terrible. Ziering, he of
Beverly Hills 90210 fame, is OK. The lovely hottie who is one of his bartenders,Nova (Cassie Scerbo, seen above/ left), is the most likable character and the hottest woman in the movie. She keeps ya interested if you know what I mean. The same cannot be said of Reid who is fucking awful and looks worse than ever. Why any man would be married let alone care what happens to her, I don't know. If was Zering I would've used as sharknado bait. But, hey she said she's up for the sequel... cause honestly, what the fuck else is she doing these days? The sequel, by the way, will have a subtitle that comes from a fan tweet. It will also take place in my home, New York City...
Anyway, there are of ridiculous moments in this film, including a bar goer who most take his barstool cause he always sat there. Any of my fellow bar goers feel that they would do this in an emergency? Probably not. Or the amazing scene involving Ziering, a chainsaw, a great white, and being swallowed.
Throw in terrible CGI and a truly stupid way to stop tornadoes, and you have a movie as dumb as it is expected to be. It does have some good gore, though, and it's really kind of funny. But, it has gotten overrated in the it's so bad so good world. Too much hype around it, but I think if I had been downing Jameson shots while watching it, I may have it enjoyed it more.
Overall rating:
** out of ****
The next film,
Blast Vegas (the poster all the way at the top/ left is, I guess from it's original far less entertaining or ingenious title) fared better in my eyes, but by this point I was expecting utter and complete shit, so...
Two bad guys (Joe Dante and John Landis, in cameos, giving the film some horror flick cred) steal an ancient, Egyptian sword. They fuck it up and eventually it ends up in the Isis Hotel and Casino in the Luxor in Las Vegas. Two groups of college kids, one all male, one all female, go there for spring break. These stereotypical characters are fronted by a nerdy guy, Nelson (Frankie Muniz) and a nerdy girl Olive (the gorgeous Maggie Castle), who, of course, don't really like being there and don't party like the others (BULLSHIT!! I'm a tried and true geek and so is anyone I have go to Vegas with or hung with and we have had AMAZING times!). When Nelson's douchbag friends take the sword and put into the ground to see if it will unleash the curse... It does! Of course! Soon, a cobra appears, and snake sand storm wrecks the strip. Nelson wants to find Olive and save her and save the day, too. And, with of Vegas lounge signer Sal Rowinski (Barry Bostwick), who leads the way, hopefully he can.
This movie is pretty fuckin bad, at first. Other than the camoes it is shit, until the curse gets released. Then, it turns into a lot of fun. It moves at a quick clip from here on in. The bad CGI are, sort of,
endearing. But, most of the charm comes from the violence (not A LOT, but there is some impaling, sword slashing, glass shredding, etc to keep things bloody) and, most of all, from the scenes of destruction. Vegas veterans/ lovers, like myself, will get a kick out of seeing famous landmarks and hotel/ casinos get trashed. New York/ New York, Harrah's, the Venetian, the Stratosphere, etc all get demolished.
Sadly, the climax loses it as Muniz is a TERRIBLE actor and even worse hero. Castle, though, is a real babe and a very likable love interest. The rest of their friends are annoying, douchy, or stupid. But, Bostwick is fuckin awesome as Sal. That's a dude I would totally hang and party with , my home away from, Vegas! He really drives the film and you, gasp, care for him!!
Still, it's a decent and utterly lame-brained romp that will kill your time. I say check it out, but be sure to keep expectations as low as mine were, if not lower!
**1/2 out of ****
After that the channel was suppose to air more bad movies, but like a victim of a Ronda Rousey armbar, I gave up and tapped out. This I did by reaching for my remote and shutting off my TV set. Probably the best choice I made all day!
The Shallows a nail-biting, white-knuckle, crowd-pleaser of a horror-thriller, and the best killer shark flick since Open Water. Lively gives an excellent preformance, one that's full of emotion, strength, heart, pathos, and toughness. It's one of my favorite from a lead actress in a horror flick, this year. She also looks breathtaking, making her a beautiful compliment to the stunning look of the film (I should add that this movie is the most beautiful looking big studio horror movie, I've seen this year). Plus, she spends the whole movie in a bikini, so yum! Something the shark clearly agrees with me on!
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