N is for NUDITY- Few genres, outside of sex comedies or porn, rely so heavily on nudity as many horror films do. This is particularly true when it comes to low budget movies or slasher films. Didn't it suck ass when in the 90s, there would be all these hot babes in slasher movies like
Scream or
I Know what You Did Last Summer, and yet none of them showed skin? That was an epic fail, dear readers! Thank God, movies like the
Hostel films and
My Bloody Valentine 3D (whose beautiful and fully nude Betsy Rue is pictured to the left) are giving us fans skin in horror movies that are released on the big screen, again! Yay!
O is for OLD SCRATCH- As in Lucifer, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, the Lord of Flies, the Devil, etc. Satanic horror is probably one of my favorite subgenres. He can possess a little girl, have a child with Mia Farrow or a jackal, battle two heroic brothers or the Governator in hopes of succeeding in defating them and bringing forth the end of days, wage a fight with a heavy metal signer, etc. Point is whatever he is planning is not good for mankind. Nope, cause when horror's ultimate villain is behind the evil deeds, you know shit is gonna go bad for us people.
P is for PSYCHO- Hitchcock's best movie is one of the greatest and most influential horror films ever made. It shocked people back then, and while tame today, it still holds up excellently. It also gave us the first human monster to eventually get his own franchise in the form of Norman Bates, played by the late great Anthony Perkins. plus, it also made taking showers a lot more scary!
Q is for Q (QUETZECOATL)- Q is Larry Cohen's cult favorite about Quetzecoatl, the Aztec god that has made his home at top of the Empire State building (giant monsters love it there, apparently!). It's a great example of how despite a low budget great talent behind and in front of the camera can make for an awesome film. It's also considerably bloodier than most giant monster films. If you have never seen it, you need to get your fucking ass off of the couch, chair, bed, whatever and see it now!
R is for RAPE/ REVENGE- Perhaps the most infamous of all of horrors' sub-genres. Films like
Ms. 45, The Last House on the Left, House on the Edge of the Park, Irreversible, and, the most infamous of all,
I Spit on Your Grave rank among the most controversial movies ever made. The premise is simple enough, a girl (or girls) get raped, and either she or a loved one(s) exact the frequently bloody vengeance. What makes this different, than say a slasher film, is the fact that those getting it clearly deserve it.
S is for SHARKS, SNAKES, SNAILS, AND OTHER KILLER ANIMALS- Killer animal movies have been with us since the Hitchcock classic
The Birds and are, thanks in large part to the Syfy channel, WAY over done in nowadays. That said
Jaws remains the best of them all. But, thanks to these movies birds, sharks, snakes, snails, killer whales, rabbits, roaches, frogs, rats, dogs, cats, etc. have all been made into our enemies. And, yes, some of these are pretty ridiculous and ludicrous choices to threaten mankind!
T is for THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE- This remains the single scariest movie ever made. Introducing us to Leatherface and his cannibalistic family, it gave us a damn good reason to never go to the Lone Star State. It would go on to give us lots of sequels, a remake, and a prequel to the remake, all with various degrees of success. Regardless, none of them can touch Tobe Hooper's relatively bloodless and utterly terrifying classic.
U is for UNWATCHABLE- Man, there sure are lots of bad movies out there. These include some truly terrible, terrible horror movies. The worst of which (the
Leprechaun movies, most of
The Howling sequels,
The Witchcraft series, remakes like
Psycho, One Missed Call, The Fog, etc.) can make you feel like ripping out your damn corneas, just to put an end to the fucking horror.
V is for VAMPIRES- Perhaps the oldest of horror subgenres, vamps have been featured in countless of horror movies for the longest of time. From
Nosferatu to
Horror of Dracula to
From Dusk Till Dawn to
30 Days of Night bloodsuckers have terrorized, seduced, and drank blood on the big screen. They have been villains, lovers, heroes, killers, and/ or lost souls as so many have interpreted them in their own way. While, this has led to some terrible and questionable inclusions, like the shit sucking
Twilight series, it has given continuous life to the undead. The fact that they have been in comics (even battling superheroes like Superman, The X-men, Spider-Man, The Punisher, etc.) , books, and TV (including some of the best horror shows like
The X-Files, Supernatural, and of course,
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel, and
True Blood), means that they far out weigh all other horror monsters in appearances.
W is for WEREWOLVES- The natural counterpart to the vampire. If vamps signify our sexuality, then werewolves represent the animal inside. There are three basic looks for them: the ones that look more human (
The Wolfman,
Curse of the Werewolf), the ones that turn into actual wolves or wolf like beasts (
Wolfen, True Blood, An American Werewolf in London), and, my personal fav, those that become hulking beasts
(Dog Soldiers, The Howling, The Underworld Trilogy). No one has ever really explained this, expect to say that it is up to the filmmaker to decide which he likes. In the case of Universal's classic
Wolfman both the the actual Wolfman and the wolf creature (who, in fact, bites Talbot) are featured. And, like vampires. they too, have been shown to have the potential be both hero and villain.
X is for XXX-RATED HORROR- Porn and horror seem like a natural combination due to the fact that sex and nudity play such a large part of the genre and the fact that the conservative minded have damned them both. And, while there are quite a few pornos that feature sexy witches or vampires, few have actual violence and gore, since that is usually considered a no-no in the industry. Thankfully some have the, er, balls to do it. From Joe D'Amato's work like
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead or
Porno Holocaust to more modern movies like
The Wicked or BurningAngel's
Re-Penetrator and
The XXXcorsist show that hardcore fucking and sanguinary spillage go hand in hand. So, you can jerk-off and be amazed by the bloody spectacle all at the same time!
Y is for YUCK- Yes, horror movies can be gory, but some are down right gross. And, while it all depends on the tone of the film (from movies meant to be funny to those that are serious in tone to those that are down right disturbing), they manage to make us reach for barf bag by including acts of gross-out action such as: bums that melt like piles of slime, a human fly that barfs corrosive liquid on you, Devil possessed little girls spewing pea-soup, guys and/or a girl into corpse fucking, or being connected ass to mouth. In all good times for those of you with weak stomachs. BLARG!!!!!!
Z is for ZOMBIES- My absolute favorite sub-genre in horror. While, the living dead have been with since the golden age of horror with
White Zombie it was George Romero that defined them in
Night of the Living Dead. From there we got the modern, traditional version of them. They are the resurrected dead hungry for human flesh. The only way to stop then? Shot them in the head or destroy their brain some other way. Of course, if we are talking about
Return of the Living Dead only dismemberment can stop them. It goes without saying that slow zombies rule. Fast zombies are lame idea, I think. Just remember that once you get bit, you become a zombie, yourself, meaning that like vampires (although depending on what you are watching turning might involve more than just that with bloodsuckers) and werewolves, they can spread their condition. Oh, and to be a true zombie you MUST BE DEAD! End of fucking story.
Hope you enjoyed this. I know I had fun writing it. I might do something similar for porn and pro-wrestling somewhere down the line. For now, here is the first half, in case you missed it:
http://themastergio.blogspot.com/2010/06/a-zs-of-horror-pt-1-m.html----------------
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