Crushing on My "DEADLY FRIEND"

August 30, 2018 marked the third anniversary of the passing of one of horror's true masters: Wes Craven. Craven made many an influential and important horror movie, The Last House on the Left, The Hill Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Scream, too name but a few. Admit ably he is also guilty of some truly awful films, like The Hills Have Eyes 2, Scream 3, My Soul to Take, etc. One movie that tends to get lumped into the latter category, but I honestly think it shouldn't (but understand why it does) is Deadly Friend. It's an odd, oft-silly and dumb movie, that has moments of greatness beneath the crap.

Our story begins, when a thief tries to break into an SUV and gets chocked by a robot arm. When, said robot hears the family come to their vehicle, he lets the scumbag go. We are soon introduced, to single mom Jeannie (Anne Twomey) and her genius son, Paul (Matthew Laborteaux), who created said robot. The robot's name is BB and is cute, fat little guy, sort of a cross between R2-D2 and Robbie the Robot. They are moving to a new house and neighborhood, where it doesn't take long for Paul to make a new bestie in newspaper delivery boy, Tom (Michael Sharret). Tom is a nice guy, and as such he is picked on a bunch of asshole bullies. But, their leader, Carl (Andrew Roperto) learns his lesson, when BB proceeds to crush his nuts! Ouch! I really needed a BB in high school!

BB, and I, both wonder why we have yet to be able to have robot besties!

Of course, he also meets his beautiful, girl next door neighbor, Samantha (the gorgeous Kristy Swanson). Sam is a sweet girl, on top of her stunning looks, so our hero immediately crushes on her. While, they start a friendship immediately, all is not well, as her dad, Harry (Richard Marcus), is an abusive drunk. And, he does not like his little girl hanging around with guys.

We also meet, Paul's professor Dr. Johanson (Russ Marin), who allows Paul to have access to a nice lab. The final character we are introduced to is mean, old bitch Elvira Parker (Anne Ramsey, she of Throw Momma from the Train and others fame, she's was always great as a man old twat role, wasn't she?), who doesn't like kids or robots that are friends with kids (or probably robots, or anyone, in general). As our three likable trio and robo-buddy begin to become better friends, they hang out more often. Well, one Halloween, they decide end up going through the mean bitch's gate and, BB gets full of lead courtesy of her rifle.

Goddamn it! My Halloweens, as a teen, were never this much fun!

And, proving that holiday just plain suck for these kids, Thanksgiving ends up being worse. When, drunken daddy asshole realizes that Sam is spending it with the boy next door and his mom, he has a hissy fit. Sadly, it's a rather violent one and he accidentally injures her severly as she comes down the stairs. She ends up in coma, and soon has the plug pulled on her. But, fear not, lovers of romance, cause Paul has a way of bringing her back to life! Coaxing his reluctant buddy Tom, they steal her corpse and take her to the aforementioned lab.

What is his plan you ask? Well, glad you did, cause it involves putting BB's robot brain on her brain! Soon, she is reanimated, but, of course, goes off killing those who hurt her and BB in the past. Paul quickly discovers, but like any guy with a crush on a zombie, decides to cover for her. Even, when bestie Tom doesn't think that any of this is cool, or you know, normal.

Sam wonders if there could ever be a Rear Window remake with protagonist being a cute, zombie girl.

Coming off of the success of the fantastic A Nightmare on Elm Street, Craven was a hot comidty for horror,  even if post-AONES, the godawful The Hills Have Eyes 2 had been released. He got hired by Warner Bros to direct Deadly Friend, which was scripted by  Bruce Joel Rubin based on the novel Friend by Diana Henstell.

Craven saw this as a chance to something similar to what John Carpenter had done with the sci-fi/ romance Starman and show to the world that he was more than just splatter-horror guy. He wasn't interested in making Sam the villain, but rather show that the true monsters were those around her. And, some of this this is still present here, as the people she kills are genuinely unlikeable and even evil turds (especially her dad who becomes a crispy critter). In fact, he wanted to make a PG rated movie. 

But, that's not what Warner wanted. They wanted the Freddy guy, so the studio asked to add more gore to the script. To be fair, one splatter scene is super memorable, that being the now infamous exploding head by way of basketball. It's such an iconic scene that even horror fans who hate this flick, tend to love this one scene. There is also some immolation, implaing, and sparying blood thrown for good measure. 

Sam, undisputed dodge-ball champ of the world! 

Proving that Warner really only wanted the "Freddy guy", they also asked for nightmare scenes to be added. These result in a bunch of cheap, fake scares, as nightmare scenes tend to be. Worst of all, they added a ridiculous and stupid as fuck ending:

*************************SPOILERS***********************************************

As our hero goes to visit his now dead, again, girlfriend, who got rekilled via gunshots by cops, at the morgue. I'm guessing that he's gonna attempt a second reanimation on her. But, and, Jesus Christ is this ever stupid, she wakes up, her skin rips off, revealing a more humanoids, Terminatoresque version of BB. She precedes to choke him, and as the camera pulls away, from behind the morgue door, we hear his screams and her saying, "BB!"

***********************END OF SPOILERS*****************************************

Holy fuck, is that ever awful! It's is a mind numbingly stupid moment, that for all the ridiculous shit that occurred before, still makes no fucking sense. It makes me think that whoever at Warner came with this shit idea was all coked out. Well, it was the 80's after all!

Their wondrous ideas didn't work, though, and Deadly Friend tanked at the box office and was ravaged by critics, both mainstream and horror. That said, it is understandable why the film got lambasted. However, I think it works best for teens and younger folk, perhaps proving the point that they should have left Craven just do his thing without interference. I loved it when I first saw it, as a kid/ pre-teen, but as I got older I realized more and more, just how stupid some of this is.

Sam doing the "Thriller" dance! Well, I mean she is a zombie, after all!

The film is, after all, filled with silly moments throughout, like our heroine moving her hands and fingers like a robot and saying "BB!" a lot. It is hard to keep a straight face during these occurrences, but Craven out weighs this thanks to his solid directing. The pacing is good, and the movie is never boring. The characters are likable, and you care for them in their situation. And, besides, who among us hasn't had to cover up for our hot, zombie girlfriend with a robot brain?

All of the acting is solid, we hate the mean characters, especially Sam's dad, and we like the kids. However, all things considered, the true star is Swanson. Her natural beauty combine perfectly with the character's sweetness to make for a very believable and likable girl, I wish to God had lived next door to me. We get Paul's crush immediately; we feel and fear for her. Craven knew this as his camera loves her and captures her perfectly. Even when the movie feels utterly ridiculous, she and admit ably, the rest of the cast do their damn best to carry it all.

She, along with Craven's directing, are definitely the main reasons I enjoyed the movie, as a kid. I had a super crush on Swanson, and Craven was, as I was getting more and more into the genre, quickly becoming a hero of mine. At first I didn't know many who loved the movie, but years later I discovered that it has quite a following. Sadly, it is only available as a single DVD or part of a four film set with three other horror movies of varying degrees of quality. There is no Blu-ray of it. In 2014, a fan petition was made to release Craven's director's cut. Warner, though, have long said that that ain't happening. 

Deadly Friend is a wild, ridiculous, silly, yet fun, well acted sci-fi/ horror/ teen movie. It is an interesting piece in Wes Craven's filmography. Sure, the movie often gets a bad a rap but really shouldn't, or at least not THAT bad a rap. It's far from great but in no way deserves to be lumped in with festering crap like Cursed. A movie that proves that a film can indeed be dumb and be good, at the same time, it deserves another look. Maybe, one day we will get the director's cut (I wouldn't hold my breath though), but even if we don't I will always crush on my Deadly Friend and, of course, on Kristy Swanson, herself, the loveliest teen zombie with a robot brain babe, ever!

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Monster-Mania March 2017

Yesterday, on March 11, 2017, my friend, and Master's Minion, Freddie and I hit Monster-Mania. It was unquestionably the most brutally cold MM, ever. Well, at least of the ones either of us have ever done. And, it should be noted that Freddie has done way more than me! It was also even more packed than usual thanks to John Cusack and the cast of Stranger Things. I didn't meet either or (although I am a HUGE Strangers  fan), but I did meet other celebs and do other fun stuff. Which resulted in us have one hell of a time!

The first person that I went up to was Amy Dumas, AKA Lita. The lovely WWE Hall of Famer was pretty cool and laid back in person. I got the autograph for my friend Alan, while I got the pic with her for myself.

The main autograph room was packed as fuck with fans, so we waited till later in the day to meet the rest of celebs. In that room, I first went up to Adam Green. He is the director of films like the Hatchet I & II, Frozen, and others. Adam is one of the nicest guys ever! He posed for pics for free and signed whatever you brought with you for free. I paid cause I bought season two of the awesome and terribly underrated Holliston, on Bluray, from off his table.

He talked to Freddie and me for a little bit and even told us about the horrors of shooting Hatchet III in a real swamp (bugs! bugs in butts! mosquito bites!)! I told him that I recently mentioned the amazing Hatchet II as one of the The 10 Best Slasher Movies You (Probably) Haven’t Seen. He was gracious about that, and is really, an all around awesome dude.

Kristy Swanson was really at the top of my list to must meet this weekend. Her line moved slow and she had to leave to do a photo-op. However, the wait to meet her was worth it! She is so sweet and nice in person, as well as drop-dead gorgeous! She still looks AMAZING! I was dorky enough to tell her that when I was a kid and saw Deadly Friend, that I totally got a major crush on her. She said, "Aww!"

Kristy signed my Deadly Friend DVD cover. She asked if I had the disc with me, but I had only bought the cover. I guess she would have signed the actual disc too? Don't know, but I am so happy to have met her!

 Now, let's look at some of the awesome cosplay that I saw in that room:

 I get killed by Jason, a lot, don't I?

 

Later in the day, I stopped by Troma and got a pic with Lloyd Kaufman and the Troma team! As usual there were some beautiful Tromettes on hand at the con.

I am most happy about the fact that I got to run into my friend, adult performer and horror actress, the drop-dead gorgeous and hot as fucking hell Nadia White! I was a little worried that I would miss her, but that obviously didn't happen. Nadia is so fun, sexy, and bubbly in person, that she really always brightens the mood where ever is at. So, that despite the fact that by this point I was exhausted, I was very feeling joyful, all of a sudden. She had a mold of her butt-hole with, which is pretty fucking hot, needless to say. She told me about all the porn stuff she has lined up. All I will say is that she is one busy, hard working, and naughty babe! You gotta love her!

As I said earlier, we had a fucking blast. It was a great time, that was, for me, quite frankly needed. Great to meet celebs and run into friends. Including, among them was one that I had been friends with forever on Facebook, Elizabeth who runs Archivists Bet on Sexy Witches and The Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Madness over on FB. 

I also picked up some cool swag, of course: 
A Funko Pop Predator (which is apparently getting harder to find)
Blu-rays of: the aforementioned autographed Holliston season two
Turkey Shoot (AKA Escape 2000) from Severin
and, I FINALLY own Shout Factory Death Wish II Special Edition which features the long unavailable (in the US) unrated cut of it, which I bought of off the Diabolik DVD booth.
And, finally from Fright-Rags I got a tee of my favorite movie of all time, Re-Animator and a air of Frankenberry socks!

Did of you guys go to Monster-Mania? Who did you meet and what did you buy? Let me know in the comments, below.

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Horror Crush: Kristy Swanson

 

Today's horror crush was one of my biggest as a kid/ teen, it's the stunning blonde beauty that is Kristy Swanson!

Swanson was born on Dec. 19, 1969 (making her 45) in Mission Viejo, Cali. She began acting on various TV shows, including Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Now I probably did see, I just don't remember, her in that episode, as I used to watch that show as a kid, but it's her debut movie where I first fell in love with her: Deadly Friend!

I discussed Deadly Friend a bit in my recent tribute to it's director, the late and great Wes Craven. I actually revisited it very recently, as I just got it on DVD (part of Warner Bro's Twisted Terror Collection). I been thinking about talking about this one a little more. Would you guys like to see me do that? If you guys request me to do so, I definitely will. If I don't hear from you guys, well who the fuck knows, if I will do it. Regardless, I immediately fell in love with the beautiful Ms. Kristy Swanson with this film. She is PERFECT as the girl next door (or, as I like to say, the girl I fucking WISHED had lived next door to me!).

Say what you will about the movie, itself, she is good in it. She's very likable. And, you care for her and her whole ordeal with falling for this nice genius boy who just moved next door and her abusive dad. Daddy ultimately causes her to lose her life, but she comes back when her boyfriend brings her back to life with a robot chip. So, now she is a hot girl next door zombie with a robot brain (let that sink in for a bit...). The image of her doing the "robot" through the rest of the remain film is pretty fucking funny (unintentional, I presume), but she does what she can with what she has. Besides, she kills the mean old lady neighbor in one of the coolest, wildest, most awesome, imaginative, and deliciously splattery deaths ever!   

Her next genre film is an adaptation of V.C. Andrews bestseller Flowers in the Attic. I saw this one as a kid as well, not to much after seeing Deadly Friend. Now, back in those days everyone was seemingly reading this book and those in the series. I never had but "hey it's got Kristy and it's horror so I am in!" is what I thought. Again, I liked it but... As I soon discovered, the movie was sadly missing the more salacious aspects of the book. It wanted to be a safe PG13 flick (an early example of the balls being taking out of horror to sell it to kids...). Wes Craven was originally attached but was dumped in order to keep"safe". A shame, he definitely would've made a movie that doesn't feel like a fucking made for TV flick. I have no clue, what I would think of this movie today, as I ain't seen it in ages. However, I always remember Swanson looking gorgeous and being excellent in her role, as the sister of a group of siblings locked up their mega-bitch and twisted mom.

Swanson would make one final return to the genre in the shitty horror/ comedy Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I saw this one in the movies, cause of her. That being said, I had a feeling it would be a turd. And, is it ever! Never really funny and certainly not scary, it's a prime example of how horror/ comedies are often, hard to do well. Paul Rubens is terribly annoying and Luke Perry is, well, Luke Perry. Which is too say he is an old dude playing a teen and sucking hard at it. This godawful excrement of a flick was a chore to watch, but again, Swanson is good in it. She has some solid delivery in her lines and looks AMAZING here. Seeing her in a cheerleader outfit is, quite, yummy. But, in the end the best thing I can say about this flick (other than Swanson, of course) is it inspired it's amazing spin-off show, which is one of the greatest TV shows of all time, horror or otherwise.

Kristy Swanson didn't star in the greatest horror films, but they are all memorable in some way or another, for better or worse. And, there is no denying that she set the hearts of many a young horror fans a flutter. as such, she will always be one of the most memorable horror teen crushes of all time. One more thing of note, she never got nude in any of her horror roles, but she would bear it all for Playboy in 2002. And, we were all very thankful for her doing it!

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