I been thinking of what I wanted to talk about here, next. I had so many ideas for different posts. Most of them involved movies I had recently watched or rewatched. I then decided to just talk about some of those films! I figured it would be fun and get you guys to talk about your feelings on these flicks. So let's stop wasting time and get right to it!
ALL REVIEWS OUT OF 4 STARS
The Terminator/ Terminator 2: Judgement Day- I should start off by saying that I have no desire to see
Terminator: Genisys. It looks genuinely awful and reviews haven't been kind. Could it be worse than the last one
Salvation? I don't know, but it very well could be. Honestly this franchise should've died ages ago, but at least all the talk about it got me in the mood to revisit the first two films. You have probably seen them, and like me you may have even seen them countless of times. Regardless, here we go:
The plot of the original is pretty straightforward. Writer/ director James Cameron tells the nerve shredding tale of a cyborg (Arnold Schwarzenegger) that goes back in time to kill Sarah Conner (Linda Hamilton) the mother of John Connor future leader of the resistance against the machines who rule the bleak future. John, himself, sends Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) to protect his mom.
This action/ sci-fi/ horror thriller is nail-biting and action packed. Cameron really knows how to pour on the suspense, and while it perhaps is not a straight up horror movie, it certainly rivals and surpasses many in this, in particular in the climax.
It's coupled with some great acting by all involved, and the ability to look well beyond it's low budget. Stan Winston handled the mostly excellent FX. Unlike the wretched PG13 rated shit it would eventually become, the first film has gory self surgery by the Terminator, his bloody visage, a fist through a chest, and more mayhem. It also throws in nudity, both female (yes you get to see Linda Hamilton's tits) and male (if you watch the DVD or blu-ray, you can see some cyborg dick, courtesy of Arnie).
It's fascinating to see just how different this one feels compared to the others in the series since it is the only one that has said horror overtones and is on a much lower budget.
****
Some years later John Connor (Edward Furlong) is now 11. The liquid metal T1000 (Robert Patrick) goes back in time to kill him, but John, himself, has sent a reprogrammed T800 (Arnie, returning) to protect his younger self. They break mommy Connor (Linda, again) out of the loony farm. The trio do battle with the unstoppable T1000 who can change shape and appearance.
If the first one was closer to a horror film, this one is a straight-up action/ sci-fi film, perhaps the greatest ever. Moving at a breakneck pace with exhilarating chase and action scenes; it's a total adrenalin rush.
The FX are amazing, still to this day. ILM's incredible CGI work blows away most of the shady shit that still pops up today. Winston again does phenomenal practical FX.
There are moments of violence including stabbings, impalings, and squibs.
But, it's a nuclear nightmare that is the most shocking, and gory little bit where Arnold cuts off his arm skin, that provide the R-rated fun. Well that and the man ass. And, the cursing.
But, it also has great acting and a lot of heart. Don't tell me didn't you cry at the end. Shit, that STILL gets me, and I have seen this fucker countless of times!
Combine it all with Cameron at his best, and you have a superior sequel that is one of my most beloved movies of all time. True perfection!
****
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers- This is a movie I've wanted to see for ages, but I told t
hat part of the story already. So, let's talk about the movie, itself, which I have finally seen.
A PI (Jay Richardson) goes looking for a missing girl (Linnea Quigley). He finds that she involved with a chainsaw worshiping cult led by a whako (Gunnar Hansen). All his followers are hot hookers who hack up their johns (try saying that 5 times really fast!). Linnea's character wants revenge cause they killed her friend. Our hero lends her hand.
The acting isn't the best and not every joke works, but the Fred Olen Ray's movie is a lot of fun. When the jokes do work, they are pretty funny.
It does delivers LOTS of spraying and splashing blood. And, the babes are hot and nude. Linnea gets topless and shows her amazing ass. Her virgin chainsaw dance is the stuff of cult legend. Meanwhile, Michelle Bauer as the lead bad girl is delicious. And fully nude. yes, dear readers bush is, indeed, very visible!
The blu-ray, if you can find it, looks good. I say it is definitely worth a look for fans of silly gore/ comedy flicks and most definitely a must see for Quigley and/ or Bauer fans.
**1/2
The Prowler- A solider returning from World War II gets a letter from his girlfriend Rosemary (Joy Glaccum) dumping him. What a bitch! I mean even in the 1940s this was a shitty way to dump someone! Anyways, at a graduation dance she is messing around with some other dude, when a guy in Army fatigues impales them with a pitchfork. Some 35 years later a new graduation dance is happening. And, the bodies soon begin to pile up, as people get offed in horrible manners. Pretty Pam (Vicky Dawson) and her cop boyfriend, try to figure out what is happening and avoid getting offed themselves.
This is fairly standard slasher stuff. It has some pacing problems, but it rises above the rest of drek cause of the following reasons:
Good acting- come on that's really hard to find in slasher films! The characters, such as they are, aren't as annoying as usual, well for most part anyway. Of particular note is the lovely Ms. Dawson. She has a natural beauty to her, right to, possibly being a real blonde! She's very likable and makes for a good final girl. It's a shame she didn't do more. Anyone know what happened to her? It seems she retired from acting early.
The gore! This is phenomenal stuff! The MPAA forced cuts on it to
get the R. Thankfully on DVD and blu-ray it is uncut. Yay! Tom Savini does some of his finest splatter here with graphic and realistic throat slashings, bayonets through heads, wall splattering squibs, and most impressive of all, a killer head explosion. Also, props to our killer for using a saw-off shotgun. He and the Maniac Cop are the only slashers to use firearms, well that I know of, anyways. More should have, I think! Oh yeah, there's also some nudity, too. Boobs are always welcomed!
Finally- the climax! Yes, the pacing could be better, but the climax is incredibly well made. Joseph (
Invasion USA, Commando) Zito builds up to an exciting and bloody battle between our blonde beauty and our camouflage loving killer. It's just too bad the ending has such a ridiculous shock moment. Your eyes will role. I know mine do, every fucking time I see this film!
But, hey Zito's work on this film was solid enough that this got him the gig for
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, which I think is a better movie than this.Still fans looking for a good, above average, very gory slasher must see this!
***
Courtesy of the fine folks at Woodrocket, it's a Darth Vader statue made from sex toys and hosted by beautiful and inked adult film star Kayla-Jane Danger! I think this is easily THE coolest thing I've seen all week! For more on it, here is the press release:
More episodes of Screwing Things Up will be coming soon to WoodRocket.com, proving that if you build it they will come and come again.
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