The 2nd Annual Master Gio Awards

It's time for me to play tribute to best and shit on the worst of last year. 2013 certainly had it's fair share of shit and sunshine. Since, I already cover the hottest babes and best music, and will be doing the best movies, this list focuses on everything else. As with last time, I'll start with crap first, and save the best for last. Anyway, read on and let me know your thoughts.

The Bad Shit of 2013

Worst Movie of the Year- Dead Before Dawn- Right off the bat, we start with this painfully stupid and not funny at all supposed horror-comedy. I would have had more fun, getting the roller featured in the poster shoved up my ass, than watching this filth! You can read more of my thoughts when I reviewed it for work, and man did watching this ever feel like work!

Worst Album of the Year- Megadeth- Super Collider- Oh dear God this album was just terrible. I ain't sure if it's worse than Risk, but it's close to being so. Their last album Thirteen was crappy, but this one is so much worse! And, they are threatening a new album soon! No! Take a break. A LONG fucking break!

Most Disappointing Album of the Year- Bullet for My Valentine- Temper, Temper- Different from the above cause while this one sucks, I'm not sure it sucks as much (but to be honest we would be comparing horse shit to camel shit). But, being this a band that kept doing an album that was better than the last, you expected more. But, instead we got a boring, weak, watered down, lazy, and generic album. Zzzzzzz.

Most Disappointing TV Show of the Year- Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D- Man, remember when you were all pumped for this and then you saw it and were like what the fuck?! While, not awful, it is most definitely not very good. The fact is the best episodes of this show are just OK. The mid-season finale was good, but only the last 10 minutes. The rest of it was forgettable. And, then when it came back this week, I found myself not giving a flying fuck what happened onscreen. The series is full of terribly generic characters, plays it safe, and is lazy, and weak. I'm shocked that I am still watching it, to be honest!

The Kick Ass Stuff of 2013

The Hottest Ass- Dani Daniels- She is one of the best performers in the industry, period. That butt of hers is like a gift from the heavens! And, I look forward to seeing more of it this year!

Best Boobs (Clothed)- Anna Silk- Lost Girl's gorgeous Anna Silk has amazing cleavage that shows off in skimpy outfits or barely covered sex scenes, many of which involve other girls. Swoon!!

Best Boobs (Unclothed)- Teal Conrad- One of the hottest new stars in the biz, this natural beauty has a real nice rack, that I can look at all day and night. Bless her and her chest!

Porn Studio of the Year- Sweetheart Video- Last year I delcared lesbian movies to be the best trend of the year in porn. This year, I decided to figured out which studio is my favorite of those making this kind of skin-flick. It wasn't easy, but I decided on going with Sweetheart Video. If you follow this blog, I've previewed A LOT of their films, and they are just so amazingly hot, that it was hard not to go with them!

Breakthrough Performance in a Horror Film- Jemma Dallender- She really had a tough role to play in such a nasty film as I Spit on Your Grave 2 is. She gives weight and credibility and, thus makes the gut punch that much stronger.




Best Nude Scene in a Movie- Rachel Korine in Spring Breakers- Man, this chick was nude, had sex with lots of guys, messed around with other girls (always a selling point to me!), and just looked HOT doing so!!

Best Gore Overall in a Movie- Evil Dead- Hands down the bloodiest big studio film of the year and one of the bloodiest studio releases ever, if not the bloodiest!! The self arm-amputation, the chainsawing in half, nailgun action, and more, this one hits a 10 on the splatter scale and then some!

Blu-Ray Release of the Year- Maniac Cop 2- I been demanding this superior, kick ass sequel to hit DVD, and then blu-ray, for ages. It finally did and in a pristine transfer with gorgeous colors and kick ass sound, plus a ton of extra-features. Matt Cordell rules and you do have the right to remain silent forever... again! But, this disc should NEVER be silenced!

TV Show of the Year- American Horror Story: Coven- A HUGE improvement over the wretched last season, this one has witches, gore, zombies, threesomes with zombies, incest, sex with minotaurs, and a ton of other shocking shit! Plus, it's fun, smart, and well acted. Their best season yet, and one of the finest ever in horror TV!

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Current Horror TV Series Review

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Usually around this time, I try to post as much horror write-ups as I can, but I been so busy it ain't been easy. I always take requests, though, and, someone wanted a Supernatural write-up, so I figured it was a good enough time to look at the current crop of horror shows on TV.

Supernatural – only two episodes this season, and it's has already been wild!! There are so many crazy things happening not the least of which is: Cas no longer has angel powers, angels have crashed down to earth as they've all been kicked out of heaven, Sam has an angel inside of him, but it's not just all angel stuff. The very sexy and tasty Abbadn is back! This hot warrior of hell is one that hot, evil bitch and on the second episode, which is the one she returned on, she cause a lot of problems for the Winchester boys. Like I said, it's only been two episodes, but I'm already really into this season. Which is much more than I can say for last season which was all right, but kind of uneven.

 

The Walking Dead – The most popular horror show, and one of the most popular TV series ever, returned for its fourth season. The first episode was, I think, a little uneven. It started off kind of boring and quite frankly there are way too many, new characters and I gave a flying fuck about, but... It kicked into full gear when they entered an abandoned store and fucking zombies were falling from the ceiling!! And, that one ended with quite a kid who was sick, died, and came back as a zombie. Which led to this past Sunday's episode where he contaminated a bunch of people, turned then into zombies, our heroes had to fight then, and there also zombies trying to get into the prison, from the outside, because apparently, some fucking reason, someone has been feeding them rats. Really good episode, easily one of the best I've seen in quite some time on this series. Here's hoping that this is a solid season, unlike the very uneven second and third seasons. As I've said in the past on twitter, Facebook, and probably here,  I enjoy The Walking Dead, but I've been having issues with it since its second season. Let's hope this is the one that gets right back on track like the excellent first season.

American Horror Story: Coven- After the atrocious last season, Asylum, this series is back on track with a tale of witches. GREAT cast, cool, characters, and a very awesome story highlight this one. I loved the last episode, where we even got a Frankenstein zombie creature!! And, we met a necromancer (witches with power over the dead), who reanimated gators and them eat the hunters, who had killed, them. Also, Emma Roberts is really fuckin. Just saying.

I should mention that this Friday is the return of another great horror TV series, Grimm. Last season was phenomenal so I really, really can't for this coming season to start! I think it's gonna kick some major ass!

Oh, and for those wondering, I tried watching Sleepy Hollow and wanted to kick my cable box. What an awful, stupid piece of shit!! And, the upcoming Dracula looks even worse, even if it does have the hottie who played the Huntress on Arrow on it...

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